2CBG Movie Review: Alien Covenant, new deja-vu

(“Even Though it looks incredible, and features exotic new locations, It feels like we’ve done this before…”)

 

alien3AF

(looks like an orgy gone terribly wrong!)

Folks, This is a tough one for me. Huge fan of the original ‘Alien‘ (1979) and the James Cameron follow-up ‘Aliens‘ (1986). But something about ‘Covenant’ left me unfulfilled……Kinda like a nice massage with a ‘happy ending’ lol ๐Ÿ˜›

30 Second Review:

Visually stunning with great set-pieces and cinematography. Introduces some new alien Xenomorphs. Reveals more of the background story but STILL leaves a lot of unanswered questions! I feel like this has happened before, only now with better visuals! :-/

 

FULL REVIEW:

****WARNING: MOVIE NERD ALERT****

Alien Covenant is the 8th installment of the Alien saga.

Prometheus (movie #7) is the prequel to the original ALIEN (1979) movie. This one – Covenant – is the SEQUEL to the PREQUEL (i know, i know…hang in there lol)

***ALERT COMPLETED! Whewww!***

And THAT FOLKS…is what I love and loathe about Alien: Covenant. Even though it looks incredible and features exotic new locations, it feels like we’ve done this before. :-/

Only THIS time, the year is 2104 and the ship is Covenant – carrying a bunch of frozen humans and embryos to colonize a new planet. A crew of 15 people are awakened from cryo-sleep when suddenly! – wait for it-

they answer a distress signal.

SOUND FAMILIAR??

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Brave humans traveling into uncharted territories and colonizing a new planet – that alone would make a GREAT story.But… this being part of the Alien saga, director Ridley Scott felt that THAT isn’t good enough. All of the Alien saga is condensed to its bare essentials:

  • Humans travel through space.

  • Humans answer a distress signal.

  • Humans die horrifically.

I wish I could tell you there is more, but that’s pretty much it. :-/

Visually, Covenant looks amazing! 22nd century technology against a strange and exotic backdrop. I could have watched an entire movie on JUST the history of the planet itself. But Ridley Scott has a bloodlust to fill, so carnage and mayhem soon follows.

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Also, Covenant is another android-driven story. Which is cool, since the android in question is played by Michael Fassbender (who is dope!). But the rest of the human crew play second fiddle as Alien poo-doo.

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So here we are 40 years later and I still have a TON of questions that -dammit- need answered!

Here is what we REALLY want to know –

  • WHO THE HECK ARE THESE ENGINEERS?

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Covenant reveals the Engineer Homeworld as an entire race of people! And rather than a race of scientists, they appear to be very human-like, worshiping gods and building monoliths.

So that being said –ย 

  • are humans derived entirely from another race of beings?

(Prometheus revealed that humans are an exact DNA match to Engineers!)

Are there factions within the Engineer race – scientists and religious?

If so – does that mean we are genetically predisposed to worship god-like figures as well?

Are we considered the Neanderthal to their species?

If they are an advanced race, what were they doing on the planet originally?

  • And – Why create such a devastating bio-weapon?

    Alien-Covenant

Was humanity considered a ‘failed experiment’?

40 years and still plenty of questions, each movie just adds more and more to the mystery. Apparently, an android with a God complex is responsible for this entire Alien mess.

alienxSeems rather anti-climatic.

OVERALL: IMO – the strength of Alien Saga going forward lies within the story-telling, and less in the violence. We get it. Weโ€™ve seen the Xenos kills hundreds of people by now. The Alien saga should finally reveal an EPIC background story that ties it all together – the same way that Star Wars gave us the sensational Rogue One! ๐Ÿ˜€

Letโ€™s take a chance and explore more of the biological process. It is a leap of faith, but something that die-hard fans are craving.

3.5 out of 5.

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2CBG Movie Review: Ahoy matey! ‘Pirates 5’ Sails to #1 at Box Office!

(“You can only tell a story so many different ways, but when a franchise generates $4 BILLIONย  – can we say ‘cash cow’?”)

30-Second Review:

Surprisingly this movie didn’t suck! ๐Ÿ˜€

Pirates 5‘ brings back all the elements we love most: rowdy pirates, madcap misadventures, impressive special FX and a hilarious (and drunken) Jack Sparrow! Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar makes a very sinister villain!ย 

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Full Review:

As much as I love the Pirates of the Caribbean series I gotta admit I wasn’t TOO thrilled to see this one…

Mainly because I wasn’t sure how they could follow Part 4 -aka- ‘On Stranger Tides’. , I didn’t care that Jack Sparrow was chasing after the Fountain of Youth. But I DID care about the ravishing Penelope Cruz โค

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I would pay to watch Penelope Cruz do NOTHING but be Penelope Cruz ๐Ÿ™‚

but I digress…

This is ‘Pirates V: Dead Men Tell No Tales’!

This time around, jack Sparrow’s past comes back to haunt him (literally) and gives us a great new villain – Javier Bardem’s creepy Captain Salazar!

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Captain Salazar wants revenge and does some nasty things to get his vengeance. The rest of the plot is uncomplicated and rather straightforward. Pirates plunder and supernatural bad guys chase Jack Sparrow. Nothing really ‘deep’ here. Pun intended ๐Ÿ˜›

After all, Thisย IS the 5th go round. Johnny Depp is sleepwalking through this role and cashing checks. You can only tell a story so many different ways. But when a franchise generates $4 Billion, can you say ‘cash cow’? ๐Ÿ˜›ย 

By now Jack Sparrow has broken curses, defeated the Kraken, survived killer mermaids, cheated death multiple times, freed a sea witch, traveled literally to the end of the world, took on the British Empire AND the Dutch Trading Company – and manage to finagle and bargain his way out of every possible situation. There’s not much left for poor Jack to do.

In fact, he seems rather okay with this….

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So long as there is plenty of Rum. ๐Ÿ™‚

Sparrow’s drunk charm and flirty innuendos can only carry a movie so far. Thankfully, the supporting cast gives us something else to care about.

The rest of the plot features my FAVORITE ‘Pirates’ character Captain Barbosa (the impeccable Geoffrey Rush) who is dragged into Sparrow’s latest troubles.ย 

Also, two newcomers – Henry Turner, son of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), trying to free his father from the Flying Dutchman curse, and female lead Carina Smythe, a heroine of sorts stuck in a pre-feminist era. She is an astronomer convicted to death, and the key to finding Poseidon’s TRIDENT. Yes, you read that right. Things get mythological!

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Speaking of mythology, the ending is on some old school Ten Commandments shit! That was the best part of the movie and they should have extended this scene ๐Ÿ™‚

Once the movie ends, take time toย  check all the messages, snaps, and ‘likes’ on your phone and sit through the credits. The post-credit scene gives us a hint at an inevitable Part VI,

Just TYPING that last part has me shaking my head….lol ๐Ÿ˜›

I give it 3/5 stars

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