Amazing Spider-man #269 & #270 –
– herald of Galactus
Yo – one thing i love about Spiderman is how he finds himself in some serious SHIT…
– yet somehow manages to figure a way out of it! In one of his classic battles – our friendly web-head takes on a herald of Galactus – FIRELORD! [see Galactus’ heralds here] Yeh….the guy calls himself Firelord? because he can control fire on a cosmic scale.
Riiiight. So throughout this battle – Spidey’s main saving grace is his unparalleled agility – which on a scale to 100, ranks a solid 100! Firelord is obviously way stronger, has more power, more ferocity, and even flat out faster than Spider-Man – if they were doing a quarter-miler. But as for quickness in combat, Spidey’s agility keeps him frome being ROASTED ARACHNID.
The battle goes something like this:
Firelord shows up on Earth. Threatens some people.
Spiderman saves the day – pissing Firelord off.
Firelord – peeved at having his godliness affronted upon by a meager mortal – commences to thrash Spidey.
Spiderman dodges Firelord for hours on end.
Firelord chases Spidey….destroying various real estate in the process: a pizzeria – an office building – a construction site – the Hudson river – a subway car – subway tunnels – an abandoned building – and finally a gas station.
At one point, Spidey actually has an entire BUILDING blown up with Firelord inside of it. Firelord simply shrugs that shit off! Finally – in a plot twist straight out of every single Rocky movie – Spidey says ‘Enough’s enough!’ – and gets all Balboa on Firelord – just taggin’ him with BLOW after BLOW after BLOW! – UNTIL –
Spiderman actually goes toe-to-toes with Firelord and beats him unconscience!!
The Avengers show up right in the middle of Spidey’s smackdown on sum cosmic ass – and take it from there. (thanx Cap! Where were u fuks 2 hours ago when Firehead wsa tryin to roast my azz!!)
– SO KIDS…
What do we learn from this Marvel tale of David v. Goliath?? That we should always stand up to foes way bigger and more powerful than us??
What we learned is that unless you have the proportional speed, strength, and agility of a spider? Stay the Eff away from guys that call themselves ‘Firelord’!
Other issue battles where Spider-Man is waaaay, waaaay over his head! —