give a girl a camera……

look, i could go on for days with this. but seriously, if you’re between the ages of 18-25,

and 30-35 (depending on how HARD you have been hitting the gym),

stay away from digital cameras, cell phones (since they now have cameras), and webcams. stay away from chat rooms, computers, mms, sms, media cards, the internet, and everything else i forgot to mention. that includes wal-mart, best buy, target, the rare camera store you still find occaisionally in the mall, and pawn shops. just stop and think to yourselves,

“will this come back to haunt me in the future?” unless you’re an attention whore, guys like me will poke around the ends of the digital universe until we find something, anything. most of us are stalkers like that. you keep giving us ammo,

and we’re gonna keep sitting in front of our laptops, tablets, and god FORBID anyone still using an actual pc these days a reason to get fatter and fire off rounds of knuckle children. you can complain, but we’ll never tell ourselves no. nor will we stop, we’ll just find another place to get our jollies (most likely we’ll wait till you’re asleep, or we’ll have to start working later). the best thing for you to do is pony up, and lay back for 5 min while we grunt and thrust until the “magic” is over and we’re in a coma. we honestly don’t care about your feelings, mood, physical appearance, or whether or not anyone is watching (except the kids) when it comes to sex. i digress, though.

giving you women cameras in a room with a mirror truly is like giving candy to babies. we already know the outcome. and we’re not mad. young women do it for attention,

(tell me this isn’t screaming daddy issues)

to get a guy to “like” them; older women do it for attention as well,

but their motives are skewered. they want someone to notice that they still “have it”, per se. and most of you do (fat chix need not apply here), those of you who hit the gym religiously (mostly the wealthier ones, whose sole occupation is the child-rearing) and keep those bodies toned for their men,

who work tirelessly to bring home the “bacon”. you don’t want your man out there ogling the next young mrs. such and such (a.k.a, YOUR REPLACEMENT), be it in the streets, or on the web. so you work extra hard, and we truly thank you for that. i myself find fit girls rather unattractive, as they are entirely too superficial and can’t seem to get away from a fucking mirror every once in a while to experience life. i like my women with curves and soft delicately sensitive flesh,

not ripples of muscles and skin that reptiles envy. so keep snapping away, ladies. i will not stop in my quest to continue to search for you online. some of you have even made my background and screensaver a topic of conversation in my house when guests visit.

 

and for the love of god, this is forbidden! from now until FOREVER!!!!